When your child fails, your instinct is to fix it. That instinct might be the very thing stopping them from becoming resilient. Here's what to do instead.
This is one of the hardest parts about parenting. One thing I did often when my boys were young was just to sit next to them on the bed and use my finger to draw a big heart shape on their back, and I just keep doing it until they feel ready to talk about it. It was a way for me to let them know, it’s safe to feel their feelings while this gentle touch offers some comfort that words can’t express.
Hi Ann. Thank you for sharing this and this stopped me. The heart on the back — that's one of those parenting instincts that is so simple and so exactly right that I almost can't believe I haven't heard it described before.
You're doing everything that matters in that moment. You're present. You're not talking. You're not fixing. You're just communicating through touch what words would actually get in the way of saying — I'm here, you're safe, take your time.
That's not a technique. That's wisdom. And the fact that your boys had that when they were young — they carry it whether they know it or not.
Again, thank you for sharing this. It's going straight into how I think about these moments with my own kids.
This is one of the hardest parts about parenting. One thing I did often when my boys were young was just to sit next to them on the bed and use my finger to draw a big heart shape on their back, and I just keep doing it until they feel ready to talk about it. It was a way for me to let them know, it’s safe to feel their feelings while this gentle touch offers some comfort that words can’t express.
Hi Ann. Thank you for sharing this and this stopped me. The heart on the back — that's one of those parenting instincts that is so simple and so exactly right that I almost can't believe I haven't heard it described before.
You're doing everything that matters in that moment. You're present. You're not talking. You're not fixing. You're just communicating through touch what words would actually get in the way of saying — I'm here, you're safe, take your time.
That's not a technique. That's wisdom. And the fact that your boys had that when they were young — they carry it whether they know it or not.
Again, thank you for sharing this. It's going straight into how I think about these moments with my own kids.
I appreciate your kind words Jim. I just asked my son if he remembers that I did that. He said yes and he is glad I was there for him. 😭😭😭